did you know?
did you wake up that day knowing that you wouldn’t be there at the end of the day?
did you tidy your things and fold your laundry that morning knowing that it would be the last time?
did you have breakfast and think about the fact that it would be the last breakfast you would ever eat?
did you even eat or were your nerves so jumbled that you had no appetite like you often were?
did you shower and get dressed and give any thought that it would be the last time?
did you give thought to which clothes you put on, knowing that they would be the clothes you wore when you died?
did you think about who would be the next person to be in your room after you died, knowing it would never be you again.
did you think about how long it would take someone to find the notes you left in your drawer?
did you wonder how long it would be until someone found your body?
did you know that day that it would be the day that you finally would go through with it?
did you hope that it would be?
did you want it to be?
did a part of you wish that you wouldn’t be able to?
did you feel sadness that you hoped you would?
did you feel scared, alone, afraid to die?
did you feel peace and calmness instead?
did you wish that you didn’t have to be alone?
did you want comfort or was it solitude that you needed?
did you cry?
did you say goodbye?
did you know when that moment was there that it was your final moment?
did that bring you the peace you wanted?
did you think about the next morning, the sun rising with you no longer in this world?
did you wonder what was next, what was after your actions to close this life for yourself?
did you simply long for the end of what you could no longer endure living with?
did you find what you needed and wanted?