A Blankness of Being

The desire to simply not exist anymore
Not to be dead, but just to no longer be aware or feeling
The numbness and detachment from almost anything
So much energy to display the appropriate expressions and remarks
Inside, the well of emptiness running deeper every day
Filling my spirit with a void that is cold beyond words
The creeping tendrils of nothingness expanding and encompassing
Every day the struggle to keep going gets more challenging
The whispers in my mind of “why” become more convincing
Days passing with apathy, sprinkled with tiny sparks of interest
Sparks too small to accumulate before being blown away
Plans made and desires yearned for, fleeting
Leaving me as quickly as they come
Wants for companionship and interaction gone before I can grasp them
The drowning consuming desire to isolate and escape stronger with every moment
Paralyzing me with panic; coupled with a rage to run and flee
Hatred and anger at so much that it turns inwards and expands
Burning hot and screaming for release.
My attempts at loosing the hurt ineffective, leaving scars of failure.
Connection and love alternately drawing me in and yet repulsive to my very center
That tenuous grip on moving forward slipping ever so slightly as the days pass
Replaced not with sadness but with nothing and blankness of being

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One thought on “A Blankness of Being

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