Victories

This is traditionally a time of year to look forward and make resolutions for the coming year and set goals for what you want to achieve. While that’s certainly something that I tend to do, it’s harder for me right now. Grieving and moving through a depression makes it tough for me to plan and look forward sometimes. It’s a work in progress and getting better but it’s still a challenge. A close friend suggested that I focus on, and write down, the victories that I’ve achieved and celebrate those…. So here it is for the last year and a half…

1. I’m still here to write this list. There have been times this past almost couple of years that that wasn’t always clear that I would make it – but I have.
2. My kids are amazing! Ok, this may not seem like my victory but it is. Recognizing and celebrating the fact that I had something to do with them turning out so great is a big thing for me. Owning the great job I did as a parent didn’t come easy after losing Willie and the guilt that I still battle with.
3. I am living where I have wanted to be for many years. After many years of wanting to move to Victoria I finally made that happen. Gave away or sold almost all of my physical belongings and moved with only what would fit in 2 car loads … a new start in a place that is truly home.
4. I have a job that I love. I didn’t settle or give up. It was a struggle and many months of searching but I found a job that fits with how I wanted to live my life.
5. I am letting love into my heart again.
6. I’m having good hours – not yet at full good “days” but getting there …there were many times that I doubted that I would ever have that again, but I am.
7. I’m setting goals. For anyone who has lived with not wanting to be around you’ll understand how much that means to plan for the future – even if the future plans are just a week in advance.
8. I can talk about past events and remember them with laughter… still often times with tears… but now with laughter as well and more often.
9. I can read again. The ability to focus on words on a page – reading for pleasure – was lost to me for a very long time. Now, that’s coming back, thankfully.
10. I have hope. That alone is the biggest victory of all.

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