Bullying, from the inside

October 10th was World Mental Health Day. For the first time in a long time I did not go on Facebook for the entire day. It was on purpose as I knew there was going to be tons of posts and updates about a variety of observances and memorials. The majority of them revolving around cyber-bullying and teen suicide. Where my head is right now I just can’t quite face the barrage of it all. Even now, a couple of days later, the feed is filled with it and I skip past them instead of clicking and reading articles and watching videos. The pain of immersing myself in it, even to acknowledge it, is just too much. Not to mention that there is a side of frustration, and yes, some anger, that the focus seems to be almost entirely on teens that have committed suicide due to bullying. While this is a major issue, we also need to remember that there are thousands of youth that suffer quietly from depression, early psychosis, anxiety and a myriad of other mental illnesses. These are the kids that slip through the cracks of a faulty mental health care system and too many of them just simply give up and decide the only way to end their pain is to end their lives.
These kids are “bullied” by their own minds and their own thoughts. Who do you fight against as a mother when you see that it’s what’s inside your son that is causing him the trauma and the pain? What do you do when you see the system fail to help and see the hope fading from your son’s eyes with every avenue of “help” that is blocked or impossible to navigate? I had to outright lie to my son to keep his hope up at times. I lied to him that the Dr gave me info when in fact he had brushed it off and I had left with no help at all. Did I want Willie to know that the doctor who had cared for him since he was 4 years old tossed his letter written explaining his desire to kill himself like it was garbage? Instead, lecturing me on my parenting and my divorce. No, I hid that from him and told him I was contacting someone else.
So, yes, bullying needs attention, it needs awareness and it needs help. But don’t forget about the kids who have only themselves and their own minds that drive them to suicide. Depression and other quiet mental illnesses are not as marketable and commercially magnetic but they are every bit as deadly.

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3 thoughts on “Bullying, from the inside

  1. How old is your son? Id suggest have him start blogging if hes 10+. It helps me a lot. But, that is terrible about your doctor. He shouldnt just toss that away. You may want to talk to someone who can prescribe anti-depressants, or something that can help. I know, you probably dont want him to be on medicine, but it can really help. Right now I am on prozac, and my cutting has decreased, and Im usually a 6/10, compared to my usual 2/10 w/o meds. If you have any questions on how to handle his feelings, and different moods, and how to help, contact me. Idk. Like, idk if Im offending you, Im not saying I know exactly what you or him are going through, or that I would be able to fix anything. But yea. Cause it bothers me when people seem like that. I just hope things get a lot better, very quickly.

    1. Thank you for reaching out. I hope you continue to get the help that you need… it’s a hard journey but mental illness can be managed – I do believe that *hugs*. My son passed away from suicide last year. The doctor visits I mention are past tense a few months before his death.
      Take care and be well

      1. Aw sweetie, I feel for you <3. Continue to blog, and get the word out, that there are many different types of mental illnesses. ❤ Take care and be well also, hun.

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