Having had a shift in my primary relationship recently it has brought me to an awareness that as much as the adage is that if you have friends who love and care for you, you have all that you need – it’s not true.
The reality is that when you are an accessory to everyone in your life and a priority to no one, it’s a very lonely place to be. You, in truth, have no one to call on when you need someone the most. You have no one who has you in their heart and soul as “theirs”.
So the question arises, what do you do when you realize you can’t do it alone…and you find yourself alone?
I’m not talking about a question of not wanting to be alone to go to a movie or being tired of spending Saturday nights at home watching tv while your friends with partners have a snuggle bunny or are out for a night of fun.
I’m talking about what do you do when you are dealing with and living with an almost debilitating depression and grief and look around and realize that you are in need…finally having come to the conclusion that you can’t do this alone.. And you see that you are alone. That the friends in your life have been wonderful and supportive for months and they have started to drift and distance themselves as it becomes clear that you are not getting “better”. That the contact is less and less as they realize that your “need” is not lessening and they just simply back away quietly.
The texting slowing to a stop in many cases. Interaction that was close and plentiful now sporadic and confined to running into each other at public events and gathering that you both frequent. The replies when you break and reach out now answered with clipped answers or short statements of encouragement, then an explanation of how busy they are…but “we will definitely get together for a walk”.
So you withdraw more…you distance yourself…start not attending get togethers because of the disconnect between the face you have to put on and the feelings inside.
The sadness when you see that your friends take, at face value, the mask you project and embrace it as truth…expressing their happiness that you’re “better” when the truth is that they want to see you better so that’s what they see.
A horrendous loop of you giving them what they want – you “better” because they no longer have the desire to see the real you and the pain you still have that is getting bigger and harder to live with everyday.
So the question arises, what do you do?