truth interrupted

Stuck firmly in truth! Have had oodles of thoughts and an interesting meandering through my own mind and beliefs this past week on the subject of truth.
I’ve come to the conclusion – and to be clear, this is my conclusion…right or wrong, it’s mine so continue at your own risk 😉 – that there are varieties of truths. Some are universally accepted and almost irrefutable really. The obvious ones…if you hold a rock in your hand and let it go, it will fall to the ground (if you’re on earth, not talking space here people). Whether you are a physicist or not, you can’t argue that truth. Another easy one to accept….the wind blows, the clouds move. You don’t need to know why or understand wind patterns, it just happens – and it looks cool, but I digress….
So, there are simple, accepted truths. We don’t think about them or fight within ourselves to decide if we should believe in them or not. They just ARE.
Oh, if the rest of life could be so easily categorized and organized and just BE. But, alas, it’s not. We are sometimes slapped in the face with a truth that is of an entirely different variety.

Sometimes we are faced with truths that we not only don’t understand but that we don’t want to accept and embrace and live with. I’m sure we’ve all heard the phrase “that which we resist, persists”. The basic premise is that the more we push away something we don’t want to have as a truth in our lives, the more it pushes in and makes itself obvious. Until…inevitably, we must accept it to be able to move forward.
I remember when I was little I was convinced that I could fly if I tried hard enough and believed enough. It didn’t matter to me that everything around me proved my belief wrong (hello ground!) – I KNEW I was right. Hanging, 15 feet off the ground from a tree branch, barely able to hold on with my fingers, I was certain that this time I wouldn’t hit the ground so hard that my knees would feel like they were going to shatter. Well, eventually, I accepted that , yes…I would always hit the ground, hard, and it would hurt…and I would never fly. I was 10 when that day came – ok, I was a slow learner – or an eternal optimist! I stopped jumping out of trees and learned how to climb down so I didn’t get hurt.
I find myself again now at a point in my life when I am faced with a truth that I so do not want to be in my life that I am doing everything I can to have it NOT real.
Slowly coming to realize that in order to move forward and heal I have to accept it. Not on a logical level…but on a heart level. As an intelligent, articulate (mostly;) ) woman I am able to understand on an intellectual base that what has happened is reality. On an emotional level…nope…I am that stubborn 10 year old hanging by my fingertips – believing with every single cell in my body that if my faith in myself is strong enough I WILL fly. That I can make the undeniable truth not real by my will alone.
So, when am I going to let go, hit the ground and accept that it hurts like fucking hell and I need to accept it? I don’t know…and that’s another truth I don’t like….


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