Here for a purpose?

In trying to make sense of my son’s choice to end his pain through suicide I am struggling with a range of emotions beyond anything imaginable. Guilt, anger, loss….those are the top three definitely.
Along comes a pic from a special friend this morning….posted here today. From paintedwallpaper.tumblr.com…. a simple message really; that people come into our lives for a reason or for us to learn something from them; or for us to be their teacher in a lesson they need to have brought into their lives.
Today, as I asked myself yet again, why, that simple message came through. Willie had spoken many times about his life being pre-determined and that suicide wasn’t a choice but something inevitable for him. While I must point out that he suffered from a mental illness and those thoughts were not truth…they do shed light on some solace those of us left behind can hold to.
Maybe, just maybe, Willie’s short span with us can teach a lesson – many many lessons really.
What they are and how to embrace what we learn is something specific to each of us and is impacted by what he meant, personally, to each person he touched. To his friends he was one person, to his counsellors, another. To his family, someone very special. Throughout all his relationships, one thing has been shown truer than anything else. He was loved.
As the sharp edges of the pain of our loss softens, those lessons will shine through and hopefully we will be able to see what it was he has taught us by his life.
The first lesson for me which I am just starting to be able to see (on a good moment!) is that nothing else in my life will ever be as hard as what I am going through right now. I will survive this and look back and know, with all my heart, that my son has shown me my own strength and made me believe in my ability to endure that which seems unbearable..

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